Hello Mindful Dad community! And welcome to my very first blog post. To me this seems weird to be sharing to a bunch of dads about my life and I’m sure you guys may have a few questions. Some of you may be asking, why is Jake starting a blog? Does he have anything really noteworthy to share? What is the goal of this? All of these are very valid questions that I too have been asking myself for a couple of years. Before I answer all of them, let’s discuss why I have been thinking about starting this blog and give you all a little background about myself.

The Back Story:

My wife, Nicole, and I have been married since 2012. We were just out of college when we got married and trying to navigate life as a couple let alone as individuals starting in the “real world.” Prior to having a child, I had never had any issues with anxiety, depression, or ever doubted myself as a man. But let’s be real, I didn’t have any true responsibilities. Sure, we had two dogs and a cat, but it was just my wife and I for 5 years until we got the best news. We were pregnant with our beautiful daughter. The first thirteen months went by with normal new parent issues, i.e. being sleep deprived, not knowing what we were doing, colic and teething etc. But like most first time parents, we figured it out and we survived.

But on May 7th, 2019, that’s when life got real for me. Our daughter broke her leg due to a very low impact, traumatic impact. An accident that would hardly cause a bruise for most children. Due to that fracture and based on her X-ray imaging, we were then hit with the news that my daughter likely had a genetic disorder called Neurofibromatosis type one (NF 1) and as part of the diagnosis she had pseudoarthrosis of the tibia. Genetic testing a few months later then confirmed her NF1 diagnosis. Over a course of 4 years we went to multiple orthopedic appointments, and consistently got the same information. Both bones in her left leg were very weak and essentially were never going to heal. She would eventually need surgical intervention, but the likelihood of any type of healing and improved functionality would be minimal.

For the first time I felt that I was not in control, and I couldn’t do anything to fix the situation. I constantly feared that we were never going to get my daughter back to a “normal” kid. I was hit with anxiety, depression, and self-doubt that I couldn’t shake. I didn’t reach out to anyone and felt that I could figure it out on my own. Also let’s be real, in society us guys are taught at a young age to hide your emotions because they will be shown as weakness. And even if you may not have been directly told this, it’s heavily prevalent in our society either through books, shows, movies, or from men around you that you may look up to. 

Dealing With My Depression:

After a couple of months I couldn’t bear the anxiety and depression that I was experiencing so I started taking an antidepressant. Nothing against using depression medication to deal with the issues you may be going through. But for me, I was ashamed that I couldn’t handle my own issues. So, after a while I got off the medication and tried to deal with my issues on my own. Needless to say, it didn’t last long and I soon found myself asking by doctor to put me back on medication.

I tried therapy which helped a little bit but didn’t feel like the other person truly understood what was going on. I felt like I was the only dad going through this. One random day my neighbor and friend reached out, needing someone to talk to. We were talking about the grind of a dad’s life, and we realized through our conversation that we were both struggling. That conversation changed me and got me thinking, “Are there more dad’s out there struggling in silence?” And the more I talked to other dads, the more I realized that we all have struggles that we remain silent about and try to navigate through alone.

So, to get back to the questions at the beginning. Why am I starting this blog? I feel that we need to normalize dads talking about their struggles and one way to do that is to connect with other dads. The only thing I can share is my experiences on being a dad and hope it will in some way help others along the way. My goal is to make this an open blog community, where other dads can share their experience or what they are going through in hopes to connect with other dads so we can all grow to be the best versions of ourselves.

The New Adventure:

So, as I embark on this new adventure, I will be talking about issues that every dad may face and how struggling is a normal thing that we should not be ashamed of. I plan on having a mini-series that interviews and highlights dads who have experienced the dad grind and how they overcame certain issues that you may be facing as well.  We will be also talking about other things that dads experience and fun new adventures we take our families on.

I know this blog might not go anywhere or only reach a handful of people. But if I can even help just one person who is going through a rough time and sees no way out beside a permanent solution, then I have reached my goal. So I encourage you to continue to check out my site and look for the “Submit your story” button to share your story with the Mindful Dad community.