One of my favorite shows is “The Office” and when I think about what it’s going to be like adding another kid to our family, I think of the episode “The Fire.”  The scene I am thinking of is the popular meme where everyone is freaking out and Michael runs out of the office screaming “Everyone stay calm!” It’s one of the best scenes from the show and definitely can represent me in certain situations. 

Adding another child to our family of three was always in the plan but the thought of the unknown can be a little intimidating. Now don’t get me wrong we are extremely excited to be having another and we know we are very blessed. But when things change there is always the push back from your “normal” life. Whether you have a couple of kids or are thinking about growing your family, I’m sure you have felt this fear.

Find a Routine With Another Kid:

Trying to figure things out is what us dads try to do on a daily basis. Most men are fixers and when we see a problem or situation, we try to figure it out to the best of our ability. This is something that my wife and daughter know all too well. When something is broken or doesn’t work, the first thing my daughter says is “Daddy can fix it!” I am a fixer, I am a problem solver but there are some things in life that just need to be played out.

Now there are some things you can try to get in place before trying or having another child in your family. Most people try to figure out which room will be the baby’s room or what the name should be. Some people might have tougher things to figure out, such as is this the right time for another child or can we afford to add to our family?  

For us, we were waiting for the right time with our daughter. With all her medical issues, we wanted to wait until she recovered from surgery. Not that we didn’t think that we couldn’t handle it but it was more to focus on our daughter’s health. Once we had that somewhat in the clear, we were ready to add to our family.

One thing that I am struggling with is how I will be able to split my love or share my love between my two kids. Now there are two different kinds of love. The love for my wife is very different from the love for my child. And right now my daughter gets all of my love, every minute of every day. When asking other dads who have more than one child how they share the loves, most of them say “It just happens”. So I feel like this is one of those things that I won’t be able to figure out and will just have to let it happen.

Helping Your Wife:

For some of us dads, this is a no brainer. But for other dads this could be a good reminder that your wife needs help. We as dads take for granted all the things our wives have to do before this baby is born. While our wives are literally growing a human being, we get to go about life with zero physical change in our bodies. 

Well some of us might have experienced sympathetic pregnancy where you may mimic the early signs of pregnancy. Or have gained some sympathy weight due to stress or poor eating habits, but for the most part we get the sweet end of the deal when it comes to bringing another child into the world.

So what can us dads do to help our wives during this time? We can work on helping and serving our wives as best as we can. You might be reading this and thinking what the hell does he mean by serving your wife? 

It’s a good question, what I mean by serving is by taking on more responsibilities that she would normally be incharge of. Making dinner, helping with household chores, getting the kid or kids out of the house for her to have some “me time”. And when the baby arrives, try to take on more responsibility. If you are able to bottle feed, then take a turn getting up in the middle of the night. Or let your wife sleep in or take a nap. Try to do the little things and think to yourself how can I make my wife’s life easier? That is the meaning behind serving your wife. 

Tips and Tricks For Another Kid:

Here is where most people are wanting to know the quick way to do something or tips on how to parent with a toddler and a newborn. But all I have is some advice other dads have given me when they were in this situation. 

When asking other dads how to prepare for another kid, most of them bursted out laughing and told me that there isn’t a manual for preparing for another kid. Which is obvious, but I was able to get some good feedback/tips for how to handle adding another kid to the roster.

Some of the highlights from these experienced dads were to take everything day by day. Your family is going to need to be the main priority for a while until you get into a rhythm. The second piece of advice I received was to find a way to carve out special one-on -one time with your kids. This baby will be getting a lot of attention and your kids may have a rough time dealing with the new attention. And lastly, was to try and create a routine where your kids get to help you with the new baby. Speak words of encouragement and praise when your child helps with his or her new sibling.

Conclusion:

After talking to some other dads who have experienced this next stage in life, my suspicions were correct. There is no set in stone way to emotionally grow with your expanding family. Everyone is different and every family is different, but we can all pray and try to do our best. Which can be tough for me. Again, I’m a fixer, a problem solver, and in this situation there is no right answer. 

If you are like me then some days will be a struggle to not be able to fix it. You may have to just go with the flow but remember that helping and serving your wife can make things a lot easier.

I want to hear from you, The Mindful Dad Community! What is your advice for dads expecting another child for the first time? What would you have done differently? Or what was your experience? Leave a comment below and or submit your story here to be featured in an upcoming blog. Also follow us on Facebook and Instagram to get all the updates on new blogs!