Most of us have that inner voice. We hear him on a daily basis and the voice we hear is either kind to us or more often than not, he is our biggest critic. I know my inner voice isn’t always the kindest and sometimes I can see his point. But most of the time he’s just an ass. This voice we hear can take over our lives sometimes and send us into a spiral of self doubt, confusion, anxiety, and depression. I remember hearing him a lot when I was in the gym. Always comparing me to every person that I assumed was better than me. 

Until we get that voice in check, he will run our lives and dictate everything we do. Getting this voice in check isn’t an easy task and it’s something we have to continue to work on a daily basis. In this blog I want to share some things that help me with my inner voice. Also how I get him to shut up every once and awhile. 

The Inner Voice Take Over:

This inner voice has been with us for as long as we can remember. It’s that voice we heard when we were younger but, but for me, he didn’t have much of an influence until I was in highschool. This is where the inner voice started to influence my decisions and caused me to give in to peer pressure. I started to care what other people thought of me and I would self loathe when friendships/relationships would end. I am sure you may have had the same experience with your inner voice, but when did he take over for you?

In high school I started to hear him more and more and after college he started influencing my life detrimentally, which took a toll on my mental health. One of my favorite books is “The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fu*k” by Mark Manson. If you have ever read this book then you know where I am going with this. If you haven’t then click here (amazon link) to check it out, it’s a must read for us dads. 

In the book the first thing Mark talks about is “The feedback loop from hell” which is our inner voice keeping us in this never ending loop. This loop is like when you are feeling anxious about something, like getting on a plane. Then your inner voice will start thinking of worst case scenarios which makes you feel more anxious. But now you know that you are getting more anxious and that even makes you more anxious. 

Mark really nailed it by naming it the feedback from hell because it is. I have been here more times than I would like to admit. I would feel depressed then my inner voice would say, “you are such a loser for being depressed,” which would send me into this never ending loop from hell. 

This never ending voice is a problem that we need to address. When this voice, which is present on a daily basis, starts to take over, that is when we stop growing as dads. I am sure you have all heard this voice say, “Are you really that great of a dad?” or, “You’re never home.  Your kids don’t even know you”. This voice will start to ruin our lives if we let it and once we believe in what that voice is saying, this is when we start acting out what he is saying. When we recognize that we are letting our thoughts take over our lives is when we need to start forgetting that inner voice.

Forgetting That Inner Voice:

It took me a while to realize that my inner voice was taking over but to be real, I didn’t realize it until my wife said something. One day she asked me what was going on. Not thinking much of it I just shrugged it off and said nothing like most guys would. Then she responded with “You don’t seem confident anymore. You used to be so confident and happier.” That’s when I truly realized I was taken over. So I started thinking about how I got here. Then I realized most of my inner voice was caring what other people thought of me or would be me comparing myself to other people. 

That my inner voice was really good at picking out my flaws. And this is what our society is really good at doing too, comparing ourselves to others. Whether it’s on Facebook, Instagram, or Snapchat, we constantly see people living great lives, at least allegedly living great lives. But we need to remember that it’s just their highlight reel and they aren’t sharing everything.

So with that being said I started doing some research and found my favorite book that I talked about earlier. This book gave me so much insight on what was going on and how I could fix it. 

One of the first things I did was decrease my screen time with all my social media accounts. Then I started to change my algorithm to more uplifting things that would help me grow as a person versus just comparing myself to others. 

The next thing I did was I got a few guys together to talk about the stupid shit our inner voices would say, just to get it off our chest. I also started exercising a couple times a week, which would help me keep focus on smaller goals that I could achieve. And then the most difficult realization I had to come to, was that I was drinking entirely too much. So I significantly decreased the amount of alcohol I was consuming. 

I’m not going to sit here and tell you to completely eliminate alcohol. It’s just that for me, that inner voice got a lot louder when I drank too much. I’ve also started to journal and reflect on my day. Now, I’m not watching the sun set and reflecting on the day. Most of the time my self-reflecting is done while driving home or anytime I can find a few minutes to myself. It doesn’t have to be long, and this is just my personal method that I have found that helps keep that inner voice at bay. 

Conclusion:

To be honest it took me a long time to shut my inner voice up and I certainly have had failures.. But this battle isn’t a one and done. It’s a daily battle of working on ourselves to be a better version than yesterday as this inner voice will try to screw everything up all over again. 

Everyone is different and the five things that have helped me overcome this voice might not help you. But if you feel like that inner voice is taking over then all you have to do is try. Eventually you will win and be closer to the kind of dad you want to be. Let me know your story or how you have been dealing with that inner voice.

Check out my website to submit your story for a future blog! You can check out my last blog “The Low Blow Struggle that Changes a Dad“. Also if you are interested in any of the books that have helped me message me for more details.