I feel like this topic is rarely discussed amongst dads and it’s probably normally assumed that we don’t think much about it, but we do. This is a hidden battle every dad faces and it’s probably not balanced in a healthy way. If you ever wonder if you have a good work-life balance you should look at the following factors.
Boundaries of Work-Life Balance:
First area to look at is how often your job reaches out to you after hours or on the weekends. Does your job reach out to you while you are on vacation or during big moments like your child being admitted in the hospital? This is a big one that can affect your family in more ways than one.
So ask yourself, do you create boundaries at your workplace? If the answer is yes and they are still reaching out then this is a boundary issue that needs to be addressed with your superior. Companies should respect your boundaries and understand a good work-life balance is great for you and your families mental health.
But if you are not creating that boundary for your work, then this is on you and you need to look more into what you want for a work-life balance. I remember how life was like before I set boundaries with my employer. I would always say “I’m off this week but if you run into any issues just reach out to me and I can help.” I truly wanted to help but what I set myself up for is a constant work and no life balance.
For example when I would be at the pool with my family and run off to answer a work call. This created a horrible work-life balance that made me end up feeling burnt out, stressed, and like I was missing out on moments with my family.
Bringing Work Home:
Another situation to look at is whether you bring work home with you. I know most dad’s out there are just like me, after a long day’s work, you finally get home to the place where you should find peace but all you find is yourself thinking about work.
This is something that has been turned into the norm by society and many people may think it’s not a big deal. This is the area that I think affects dads the most. When you continue to think about work then the odds are you are going to get burned out and either result in poor work performance or resentment towards your job. I would catch myself constantly talking to my coworkers after hours about workplace drama or what my next steps were in the coming weeks to grow my numbers. This would result in me not being present with my family and cause a distantince between my family and I.
Another thing I would do is think about the emails I needed to write and eventually I would get my laptop out and send them, knowing that no one would respond until the next day. Some people may think this is not a big issue and if you enjoy constantly thinking about work, then more power to you. But for me, I could tell that I was never present at home.
I would be constantly thinking about how I could grow my numbers and how much money I could make. Then I would get mad or frustrated when I was home on the phone with a colleague and my daughter would come up to me asking for me to play. I would get mad at my wife for not getting my daughter so she wouldn’t be bothering me and looking back on it now, I can see how ridiculous this was.
So I took action and had a few ways to decompress before coming home. One of the things I did was exercise at the end of my day. That could be either going for a quick run or taking a family walk before dinner. Another thing I did was journal about my day before coming into the house. I would journal for about fifteen minutes on what I accomplished for the day, what my plans were for the coming days/week, or what frustrated me for that day. This would help me turn my brain off and be more present at home but you may find different things that can help you decompress.
Mental Health Check:
I am clearly not a therapist or a person with the credentials to talk about mental health but I can speak for what I have experienced and what has helped me improve my mental health. You may not need a mental health check or never thought about making your own mental health checklist but for me it worked.
I would try and do a check in with myself once a month or if I could tell something was off. A few factors I would look for when checking for my mental health were; am I exercising regularly, am I enjoying my job, have I been short lately, and have I been journaling? These are not all of my factors but some of the big ones. If my mental health seemed off and I was getting in a funk I would try and look at what I can control that would help with my mental health.
The main thing was finding time for myself and I would do that by taking a mental health day. On this day I would focus on myself and do the things that I enjoyed to help with my mental health. There are other days I would need to take a mental day so I could go speak with my therapist on what’s going on.
Making time for yourself is important and shouldn’t be ignored. If you are depressed or feeling down and need someone to talk to, then I encourage you to please reach out to your significant others, friends, siblings, physician, therapist or anyone you can rely on.
The Work Culture:
If you have ever worked in a corporation before you have definitely heard the phrase “work culture”. This is a topic that most jobs talk about but some of them really do not take the time to look at their work culture and if it’s doing well or needs work. For me, work culture is something you pick up on a few months into your job.
This is where you can tell if you are going to enjoy the workplace or not. If the work culture has the values that are aligned with your values then you have a work culture that you will more than likely enjoy. But work culture has a few different areas that can create a great work environment or a poor work environment.
One thing that I notice is work culture toxicity, where gossip and talking behind someone’s back can impact a workplace culture the most. Gossip is the enemy of a great place to work and can destroy the culture from the inside out.
Another thing that can impact your workplace culture is how coworkers treat each other. I can relate to both of these factors in my most previous job. There was gossiping every now and again but the thing that stood out the most was how my colleagues would help eacthother.
At my previous job, I was fortunate enough to have coworkers who rallied together to surprise me with a party for my daughter who has NF on national NF day. Everyone wore blue shirts with my daughter’s name on them and they came together to support my family when they didn’t have to. This is a great example of what a great work culture looks like and this is what you should try to find in your job.
Respecting Work-Life Balance:
Work-life respect is exactly like it sounds, does your work respect your home life with your family? Most companies may not think much about this and that’s no fault to them. They are out to increase profits and to grow their business as best as they can. I get it, but this is where you can find if your values line up with the company values.
Recently, I have had the best and worst experiences in this area where I had a company truly care about my well being and another who alleged that they did. I was previously employed by a a company that would check on the employees, and would offer mental health days to help us get back on track, if they could sense that something was off.
But the worst experience I have ever had was with a company who stated they had the same values as myself but, they truly did not. I was on call 24/7 with no end in sight and during this time they asked me to make more of a sacrifice at home. They wanted me to work in the evenings and on the weekends. Basically any free time I had needed to be focused on work.
This same person who told me that I needed to make more of a sacrifice with my family was someone who chose his career over his family and was ultimately let go from a different company that he had been employed at over ten years. He sacrificed time with his family, traveling all the time, dedicating himself to his job, just to be let go at no fault of his own.
This is how you can see when a company does not respect your values and work-life balance. And lets just say I am happy to be going back to work for a company that I know has the same values as me.
Conclusion:
Now these are just the areas I think can help create a good work-life balance and I’m sure there are many more areas we could add to this topic. Everyone is different which means we all have a different version of what a good work-life balance means to us.
With us growing and trying to be the best version of dads, I feel that having a great work-life balance is a key measurement on a happy life. But I want to hear from you.
What areas do you think can create a good work-life balance and what is your experience with trying to balance them out? I would love to hear from other dads and please hit click here to share your story!
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